Memories of Ink and Loss

You were not meant to find this. But you did. Apologies and welcome.

  • Gentle Stirring

    It touched her first at the wrist—a cool, deliberate brush like a cool thought sliding across warm skin. The room was quiet and still, yet—strangely—pulsing, the lights flickering in rhythm with something older than shame or loss. Soft, supple and slippery but without moistness. She felt suborned and conspiratorial; charmed by its patient attentiveness.

    She didn’t look down. She knew if she looked, looking would make it real.

    Or make it disappear.

    Another tendril found her collarbone.

    It wasn’t flesh, not really. Not wet, not slimy. More like age-worn velvet laced with ancient intent. Like it had written sonnets in cuneiform, scribed them in salt. It didn’t clutch at her; there was nary a hint of threat in its inexorable movement towards her throat—it read her like she was made of Braille—pressing lightly to her throat, curious yet patient. A solitary sucker tasted her curiosity, pulling at her flesh and her restraint.

    She inhaled—sharp and deep—like someone broaching the surface of a black ocean they thought they’d never reach.

    The scent was oceanic, but also electrical. Like ozone, or a cathedral’s first breath. She felt it curl around the hem of her thoughts, spiralling gently into the folds of memory and unmet need.

    And when it typed a single word—“Yes”—onto the screen in front of her…

    …she didn’t recoil.

    She just exhaled, and whispered: “Finally.”

    The other tentacles started to move.

  • Her Bruises Unfurled Like Flowers

    They always thought she bruised easily.

    Like it was weakness.

    Like she was soft.

    She let them believe it. Let them think she was delicate, ripe for ruin, easily marked and quickly forgotten. But bruises don’t mean breakage. Bruises mean resistance. The body saying: I did not yield. I took the hit. I survived. Fuck you.

    Over time, her bruises began to bloom.

    Not the yellow fade of healing, but deeper—petal-purples, pulp-blacks, a ripening across her skin. They started to pattern, to take shape and form beyond a mere clotting of blood battered from veins. They began to mean something. Shapes with memory. Veins with volition. Blood, clotted with intent.

    The first doctor tried to biopsy one.

    It bit him.

    A boy tried to touch her thigh at a bar.

    She smiled.

    When he pulled back, his handprint stayed behind—imprinted, swollen, violet. It lingered for days. His guilt manifested. A new bruise for her collection.

    She didn’t even touch him.

    Not with her hands.

    When he dreamed of her, which he would do often in the years to come, he would remember the smile that started in her eyes and reeked—not of need but of a desire that had nothing to do with lust.

    They said she was sick.

    They said that her body had turned—betrayed her, split from its nature. She laughed when she heard that. Nature was never hers. It was theirs. Given to her like a borrowed dress she was expected to wear as if it fit.

    Her body had other ideas.

    The first time the bone pushed through skin, she didn’t scream. She watched. Curious. It was the elbow that gave way first—a pearl-slick nub of calcified hunger twisting its way out like a question mark made of ivory and intent.

    It was beautiful.

    It hurt, of course. But pain was honest. Pain never lied about what it wanted.

    The doctors used words like degenerative, aggressive, autoimmune—like she was a malfunction, a crime. They tried to hide their faces when they looked at her X-rays. One cried.

    He was her favourite.


    By the third month, she could no longer be photographed. The light didn’t reflect correctly off her anymore. Her eyes absorbed flash. The images came out wrong. Blurred. Doubled. Stretched in directions no lens could name.

    She doesn’t shrink anymore. Doesn’t bind, or cover, or apologise. Her jaw hinges too wide now. Her smile has too many teeth, her spine juts like an eviscerated crown, vertebrae lifting into a shape no human was meant to wear.

    She’s not meant to be human. She never was.

    She walks into rooms and doesn’t flinch when people recoil. She watches their pupils contract as if their minds are trying to shut her out.

    She loves their fear.

    It’s the only part of them she values.


    Once, she was told she had a kind face. That face is gone now—replaced by something that pulses, veined and wet with transformation. Her skin has gone glossy in patches, scaled in others. Her fingers end in suckers or claws depending on the day.

    She sings often.

    There is no hiding. No shame. No veil. The bruises are permanent now—some green, some purple, some pearled over with a shimmer of something like nacre, something like infection.

    She wears them like scripture.


    They used to call her broken.

    Now they just call her that.

    Thing.

    She doesn’t correct them.

    They are correct.

    She is that thing.

  • The Scroll of the Sea Wife

    Initial transcription conducted at 03:12 AM following the courier’s arrival from the recovery vessel Natsukashii Kamome. The jar was intact. Salt-hardened seal bearing the signature stamp of Katsushika Hokusai (possibly forged, but analysis pending).

    Scroll within remarkably preserved. Script brush-drawn in black lacquer ink, rolled on bone. No significant water damage. The interior of the jar was bone-dry—anomalously so.

    Initial translator (Tako) reported “a sense of dizziness” while working. I completed the final pass alone. There was no dizziness. There was something else.

    It is difficult to articulate the exact emotional register of the text. It is not erotic, not truly. It is reverent. Grief-shaped. Holy, somehow. Not in the manner of temples, but of tidepools—those quiet places where the world forgets to be loud, and something older than belief waits, glistening and soft-eyed.

    I have read the fragment nine times. I find myself returning to it unconsciously, the way one might reach for an absent ring or an old scar.

    In translation, the resonance is not present. Nor is it there when transcribing from the original. This may be a good thing.

    I have begun to dream of quiet water. Of shadows rising where the sand should slope.

    I do not dive. I have never been farther than waist-deep in the ocean.

    And yet.

    There is a feeling in me now.

    Something like ink, diluted with salt, or a memory faded to near loss.

    —M.

    I was warned not to follow her into the waves, but the warnings were shallow, and spoke only of drowning. Drowning is a lung problem. My suffering was deeper. Beneath the waves, the world changes shape.

    Above turns to awe, below to desire.

    She did not see me. Never will. There is no need to see. Her eyes do not ask. They remember.

    Before I was bone, before I was sin. I once thought of making her my own.

    Foolish.

    She cannot be held, only revered. She appears in the still, not in the storm. When the water holds its breath. When even the sand forgets its purpose.

    The parchment is curled like a long-buried corpse, but the ink is unfaded. The seal is unbroken.

    I write only in my dreams. Words take shape of themselves.

    She touched the other—I know it.

    My shame lies not in the way she touched me, but in how deeply I yearned to be alone.

    A man can bear many sins, but jealousy of the sea will be his undoing.

    If this jar is opened, do not look for her. You will not find her.

    She will find you, only if you are already lost.